Today, my sunny and funny morning was dampened by multiple accounts of bad news, and I was immediately brought back to the harsh reality and life lessons my family was forced to face when we lost my mom and dad 12 years ago: life is short and sometimes ends unexpectedly, and we all should make the most out of every day.
Fast forward my life’s tape, and now I wake up every morning as a fortunate mom to one beautiful and fascinating little boy named Cesare as well as two very long-haired cats who demand attention and service as soon as the sun rises. On this particular Monday, my wonderful husband who helped create this reality for me is away on a work trip, and so I spring into action with that famously, universal “can-do” mom-push to take care of my brood and ensure that my son makes it to pre-k on time. No matter where you live, I’m fairly certain a school morning is the same everywhere. Today, however, is somewhat special for us because it’s the final celebration day of our son’s three-part, fourth birthday extravaganza, with a final hoorah to be shared at school with all of his 28 closest friends from the class. At ours, it’s on us moms to bring in a treat if we wish for the school to celebrate a birthday, and so I happily took in five healthy-enough “school-approved,” packaged grocery-store cakes to feed the whole group.
The sun is out, yet the light is soft against our snowless, wintery cold day in the country hills above Lago Maggiore in northern Italy, and just as I was leaving the parking lot to return home, I was greeted by a friendly traffic jam of cows, goats, sheep, and perhaps a horse, as well as two farmers and a few sheepdogs slowly moving down the road to migrate to another field nearby. Even if you are running late in this situation, no one is going anywhere until the animals make their little journey, and so all I was left to do was smile and enjoy the fun. These moments really shine for me, shedding light on the big life-changing decision I made more than six years ago to move to Italy to marry the love of my life and raise our family. When dating anyone from another country, this moment arises at some point in the relationship, and both people are left to face some hard questions and answers.
For the romantic, perhaps moving to Italy is a no-brainer, but for the realist or for someone who is enjoying many aspects of their status quo, it’s not so easy. Who will be the one to move? What kind of life do we hope to have, and will we be capable of embracing such a big change inside as well as outside of our own selves? Will our relationship survive the change? Well, in my case, it took a few years as well as the right timing to finally gather up the strength to jump.
Funnily enough, at first neither of us wanted to do it and then years later both of us were offering to move, although ultimately, I ended up tipping the scale on where we would go so that I could spend more time being a mom at home. It’s also important to note here that I finally started listening to that little voice inside my own heart saying, “Let’s go, I want the adventure.” Can you relate?
Adventure it is indeed, but such a move isn’t always comfortable, and it takes at times many years to really adapt to the new culture. I would like to suggest to anyone who is considering such a transition to do it wholeheartedly, by jumping with both feet forward, because “trying it out” with only one may likely not work, as you seem to always be looking back and forth wondering “will I stay, or will I go?” That isn’t healthy nor does it foster peaceful happiness because you get lost in yourself, your mind, your gut, and then end up–in my experience–not really living your days as they should be, with unbridled energy and passion to take in what’s around you, or even just being present. So, after much of my own anguish in the years leading to our decision, I catapulted myself onto Italian soil in 2013, and it’s been a wild ride so far! My husband has been an incredible support, and without his protection, care, and tireless effort to make my life comfortable, I’m not sure how it would have gone. I give everyone who doesn’t have this type of support all my respect because I can only imagine how greater of a challenge and learning curve it could become. I think about refugees, the families who are forced for greater reasons of life and death to move themselves and their whole families and how incredibly strong they must be, knowing not everyone makes it.
In my own experience, I have met wonderful people as well as faced difficult situations unique to this sharing-of-two-cultures “thing.” Just recently, I am so happy to share that I finally feel at home after more than six years here. I also feel accepted amongst my peers, which is a phenomenal and deeply gratifying feeling. To be able to reach out and share, depend on, and call a few women as my new friends is one of my greatest accomplishments to date. Likewise, I hope they will always feel grateful for my friendship as well, because while it’s difficult to make friends later in life anywhere you live, it’s even more challenging to do so, in my opinion, when you are outside of your own country, culture, and language.
This week the world lost Los Angeles Lakers basketball star Kobe Bryant, who called the “City of Angels” his home, just as I once had. Americans are shocked, Angelenos and basketball fans everywhere seem stopped in their tracks to hear the tragic news that the cause of death was a helicopter crash in the hills of Calabasas, California. He was only 41 and, among some other passengers, he was with his 13-year-old daughter. It just isn’t supposed to happen this way. Their stories were cut short and the rest of us are left to once again remember how fleeting it all is. There are many days that seem too long and other days where the meaning behind it all just isn’t so clear, so we lose track of what’s important. Well, now it’s all very clear to me again as I sadly look at the photos left behind of the smiling father and daughter who captured many hearts even before this tragedy.
What I’m left with is: take the trip, try something new, say “I love you,” forgive, and move forward. Try whatever is calling you, whether it be your own adventure back home or perhaps in another country, because every day counts…even if it means we leave the fast lane and end up stuck behind a slow-moving herd of farm animals on a country road every now and then.
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